PET PEEVES

"Do not take life's experiences too seriously. Above all, do not let them hurt you,
for in reality they are nothing but dream experiences....If circumstances
are bad and you have to bear them, do not make them a part of yourself.
Play your part in life , but never forget that it is only a role."
~Paramahansa Yoganan Da

This will probably be my last entry before the year 2009...ugh, 2009. I'm old. Pet peeve #1: You're only gonna get older. I'm just kidding about growing older being a pet peeve. Really I am. There is so much I want to do and experience that growing older is just a bitter reminder of what I have yet to do with my life! Okay, now to my REAL pet peeves...

PP #1: You're driving down the interstate and up ahead there is construction, or an accident, causing you to merge into either the right or left hand lane. You're already irritated that this unscheduled interruption has slowed your driving progress down and in your rear view mirror you see some incredibly idiotic individual (I like alliteration) moving at what seems to be warp speed past you. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING?! ARE THEY BLIND?! DO THEY NOT SEE THE OBVIOUS SIGNS DIRECTING YOU TO MERGE?! It absolutely infuriates me! I really do not like thinking bad thoughts about people (I really don't) but when someone refuses to follow the same traffic pattern as the rest of us, who are also annoyed with this delay, bad thoughts just come. I grip my steering wheel and sometimes let a few explicatives escape my mouth (okay, okay...always let a lot of explicatives) and bellow (yea, not just scream...I bellow) "DON'T LET THEM OVER! DON'T LET THEM OVER! DON'T LET THEM OVER! MAKE THEM WAIT" Oohhh...I can feel my blood boiling now, just thinking about those people. Who do they think they are?

PP #2: Self-checkout lines at Walmart. (I have to exclude grocery stores, because they have seemed to correct the problem that seems to plague America's "all-in-one place" shopping super center) Why would someone with most likely over $500 worth of items push their cart into a self-checkout lane? Why? There have been times, unfortunately quite a few, when I have found myself in the self-checkout line behind 3 or 4 wonderful Walmart patrons who have their carts overflowing (seriously, OVERFLOWING) with micellanious junk (yea...junk) and I am standing with my 1 or 2 items. (side note: You must know I never binge shop at Walmart. Walmart is terrifying for me. I am only there when absolutely necessary and I have a list...get it and get out!) WHY ARE YOU IN THE SELF-CHECKOUT LANE WITH 1,000,000,000 ITEMS?! WHY ARE YOU 60+ IN THE SELF-CHECKOUT LANE WITH 1,000,000,000 ITEMS?! WHY ARE YOU GOING THROUGH A SELF-CHECKOUT LINE WHEN 1/2 THE ITEMS IN YOUR CART ARE GOING TO HAVE TO BE APPROVED BY A CASHIER ANYWAY? I just don't understand what goes through the heads of some people? I have 1 item, you have 1,000,000,000, and you distinctly angle your buggy in front of me...ya know, just to make sure I know that I'm behind you. I HAVE 1 ITEM!!!!!

...well, there are a few more Pet Peeves, and I will most likely discuss them in another entry...but quite frankly just writing about these 1st two has exhausted me... :-)

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL & MANY BLESSINGS IN 2009!!

ANXIETY & COURAGE

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~E.E. Cummings

Well, it has been 3 weeks since I wrote. In fact, it's been 3 weeks since I even mustered up the courage to actually look at my blog since the last one I wrote. It took quite a few deep breaths and a bit of liquid courage, before I was able to convince myself to start writing about such personal reflections of myself to an audience...not that my blog has an audience. It even took a few days before the thought of deleting my last entry stopped haunting me, but then the thoughts of what comments I might receive started to roll in.

Anxiety can drive a person mad. Your mind constantly races with thoughts like a 7 year old who has ADD and a bag full of pixie sticks...the super large ones! You stay in a confused state between reality and paranoia. At times it seems the paranoia is your reality. Those thoughtless worries that everyone has at one point or another (like what you're going to wear to work that day or what you're going to have for dinner) are so intense for me that sleep does not come. One simple thought about what am I going to have for dinner tomorrow night begins to form a tangled web linking one concern to the next. I cannot explain the reason behind it. I have literally just sat here for 20 minutes typing & backspacing, typing & backspacing trying to describe the reason. So, if someone out there knows why (other than a physiological reason) even the little things cause such mental anguish I'm begging you to help me out! All my life I have upset, frustrated and even angered people in my life because I just cannot explain it to them. I can only say, "That's how I am. That's just me." I don't enjoy the non-stop mental distress about EVERYTHING. I've thought about taking up yoga for the calming meditation and controlled breathing techniques you can learn. Of course though, I always have an excuse for why I still haven't set foot in a room with colorful kindergarten mats spaced out on the floor. It's not that I don't want my mind to have peace, it's that more worries always come. What if I wear a sweatsuit (because I have a disgusting hippopotamus belly) instead of stereotypical yoga attire? I have always thought I was a good ballerina (balance, coordination, etc.), but what if I can't do this? Does that mean I never really as good as I thought I was? What if I'm "called out" in front of everyone? I could go on and on... I absolutely cannot stand that the majority of my day AND night is filled with questions! SERENITY NOW!!!!!!!!! (Ha!Ha!)

Today was good though. What a fantastic surprise I had when I finally reasoned with myself and logged on to check my blog! MDH was right! You can find support, encouragement and comfort through a blog... even if it is just you giving you the chance to discover yourself.